Watchdog Group Nominates Patr Kirill for Nobel Prize in Economics

The Consumer Rights Protection Society, a consumer watchdog group in Moscow, has formally nominated Patriarch Kirill and Moscow Judge Igor Kananovich to receive the Nobel Prize in economics for “…a remarkable discovery, which proved a new, previously scientifically unknown form of exchange of goods for money in dealing with the public, which these pioneers call ‘mutually agreed recommended donation,’ but also found practical applications for it.” The sarcastic “Open Letter” to the Nobel Committeemakes reference to the recent court case filed by the group against the Patriarchate and dropped last month, which claimed that Christ the Savior Cathedral had become a tax haven for a variety of for-profit businesses.

Court: with a blessing, Kirill can turn a fish market into a charitable organization (image source: ria.ru)

Judge Kananovich’s decision supported the position that items in the Cathedral complex were “voluntary donations” for “church goods”. In previous court filings, the watchdog group noted that only 7% of the Cathedral space was used for religious purposes, the other 93% being used for a dizzying array of businesses, including a scientific research center, an employment agency, an auto body shop, political consulting agency, and a seafood market. The contents of the absolutely discordant list, reading like the contents of a strip mall, were rejected as profit-making enterprises, but that “all goods on sale were religious items because they were sprinkled with holy water”, the defense added, per Gazeta.ru. Further, they were to be regarded as services for which “clients are required to make a voluntary donation, not a payment, which can be any amount of money despite the price tags found on the items for sale, the defense said. The judge accepted this reasoning” July 11, dropping the case, according to RIA Novosti. The CRPS has since appealed the judge’s decision.

The Nobel Committee has not, as of Thursday, responded to the request for nomination.

We should also note that it is well known that Patriarch Kirill is an absolute revolutionary in the field of economics, having redefined “monastic poverty” to include holdings of over US $1 Billion. We can assume that as long as one does not use the money, it doesn’t count as being rich, but still owning nothing, spurning the world’s fine luxury items and lavish, expensive houses.

Oh, wait.

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